21ST CENTURY QUIRKS AND NUANCES


Today I received a call on my cell phone from myself; that is to say that the caller id indicated that I was the caller.  This was at first confusing, but then intriguing, so I dared myself to answer…myself and see what I wanted, but I chickened out.  A few minutes later, I called myself again and this time, I was not happy with myself for interrupting me!  I should know how busy I am, so this time I answered.  I guess I had nothing to say to myself because I hung up.  Then I started worrying that I would begin to call constantly and make a nuisance of myself to me, I got so worked up I had to take a Xanax, but only a .5, they just relax you a bit.  Then I wondered if I could block my own number so I couldn’t call myself anymore and even though it seemed a bit paradoxical, I decided to try it, so I blocked my own number and about 30 seconds later, the lights dimmed a bit and every toilet in zip code 33317 flushed simultaneously, resulting in an overload on the water management mechanism that uses the intra-coastal waterway as a drainage system.  The overload strained the pressure filters in the main reservoir, causing an electromagnetic surge to be emitted into the water of the main reservoir which is connected to the canal system that runs through the entire city including my back yard.  The surge was so powerful that it caused a a chemical reaction that resulted in spontaneous mass electrolysis, separating the water into oxygen and hydrogen in two gigantic bubbles at high velocity.  Gas doesn’t navigate very well so the bus-sized bubbles couldn’t turn right when the canal did and hit the retaining wall of the canal, bursting and shooting thousands of tiny hydrogen and oxygen bubbles into the air.  The hydrogen bubbles rose to the level of the power lines running along the streets and ignited upon contact, creating thousands of small ‘pop’ mini explosions.  Fortunately, they were so small they didn’t do any damage but the sound they made was identical to the mating call of Mothra (from the Godzilla movie), who showed up 3 minutes later and tried to mate with a trawling dredge towing a net to clean the canal (Mothra doesn’t see too well).  In all the excitement, the skipper of the dredge panicked and reached for his cell phone to call for help but got confused and dialed his own number by mistake and then the universe disappeared.

Only in 2016.

Laugh every once in a while, it cleans the soul’s palate and makes the world taste a little bit better.   – ctwfrank

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