Category Archives: Assholes

#182321 – On the nature of assholes

This calculation refers to the descriptive quality of the word asshole(s) when used in the daily lexicon in reference to human behavior or as a personality title.  e.g. “Jorge is an asshole.”

In spite of the fact that the general term asshole(s) is used to relate to the demonstration of certain human qualities that are generally considered negative, the conceptual definition of the word as per its actual use in daily human communication reveals a much deeper, philosophical and dichotomic aura than what is perceived ad nauseum.

Asshole, when used as  a human title in the family of trait titles (such as humanitarian, philanthropist, dick-head, fuck-up and others) is a popular neologism which serves as a descriptive reference.  There are two kinds of assholes.

Type 1 assholes

Type 1 assholes are people (typically men) who are possessed of a profane and offensive amount of pre-potence, self-importance, arrogant superiority and the despective mistreatment of others, which is the sole manifestation of these qualities.  The acute and impacting imposition of these qualities by an asshole is so offensive to anyone who encounters one, that the encounter leaves behind a perceptive and psycho-emotional smell of shit, whereby shit is used to qualify the maximum level of repugnance of a thing.  99.5% of all living assholes are type 1 assholes.


Type 2 assholes

The remaining .5% of all living assholes are type 2 assholes.  They are people (almost exclusively men) who live by a code of conduct, ethics and morals which are so strict, correct and proper that any other person who may witness the manifestation of a type 2 asshole would be forced to re-assess their own unacceptable or non-existent discipline in all things correct and proper, and be left  feeling like shit, whereby shit is used to qualify a personal self-assessment of one’s attitude or discipline which is so lacking is so offensive that the human brain relates it to literal shit (excrement), which is universally understood to be one of the most offensive if not the most offense substance in the world.

Morphology of the linguistic formation of the neologism.

The selection of the word asshole to represent the neologism asshole was established by relative association in the formation of synaptic mental lexicon constructs, which are formed in representation of observed and perceived stimuli.  Both types of assholes, when manifesting the quality of an asshole, leave behind a philosophical, if not perceptive manifestation, which is related, by the brain to shit, in terms of an offensive qualifier.  Shit comes out of assholes in the human body, therefore since what comes out of a person possessed of the qualities described in this study is directly associated with shit, then the source of the shit, can only be an asshole, since it is a firmly established fact that shit can only come out of an asshole..


The human brain, when forming the synaptic connections, will use existing and real things in the physical universe and relate them to new concepts in the morphological stage of establishing lexicon synapses thusly cementing the foundations of language and by extension the ability to communicate rationally with other human beings.  By virtue of this study, it is clear that due to the insurmountable number of concepts and synapses possible when attempting to quantify human communication as a function of the species, the brain will use the simplest and most obvious forms of relative associations in the formation of synaptic connections to represent new concepts, neologisms and finally words.  An encounter with either one of the two varieties of human characteristics explained in this study result in either being left with the figurative smell of emotional shit or simply feeling like a piece of shitShit comes from assholes, therefore, these humans are also to be called assholes.

Frank Vidal  5/22/2010

Catalogue #182321

Proud son of a rare and beautiful type 2 asshole.